Your Friend is not your Therapist: Please skip this post if you don't have space for negativity

Acceptance is the key talaga. So kahit gusto kong ayusin tong blog ko, puro rant na lang talaga naiiwan. 

My blog is 16 years and 4 months old as of writing! 

You can just imagine the sentimental value. Kaya kahit gusto ko na bawiin, hindi ko talaga magawa, even my most cringe-y post. Lol. Well, I did make bawi some. Anyway, 

16 years that epitomizes my identity crisis which is now slowly morphing to existential crisis. 

Eto na lang checklist ko, sana gawaan ko na soon -

Dumaguete-Siquijor Travel Blog

Book Review 

-Cradle and All - James Patterson

-Educated - Tara Westover

2nd Quarantine Official Arte Day Rant

Dun na lang muna sa realistic, kasi madami pa ko nakapending pero ayan na lang muna. 

Identity Moratorium -

I found here a list of songs which I liked back in 2006.

Surprise surprise, I still like them 'til now. 

I also listed some items which I then wanted to buy once I get a job. I now own some of it -

digitaL camera - ✔ Canon EOS M3, which I bought before our Singapore trip, na medyo malapit ko na ibenta coz ang tamad ko rin dalhin nung mga nakaraan travel namin 

poLaroid camera -✔ yes ganyan ang pagkakatype ko, upper case L, and yes, meron na ko nito, but Fujifilm Instax and not Polaroid (brand) also hindi ko binili, birthday present ni Boss back in 2016 

teLescope - wala pa ko nito, I kinda still want it, but not as much

PDA - not Public Display of Affection but Personal Digital Assistant or Handheld PC, obsolete na because everything is in Smartphones na

drumset - wala rin, and most likely di na ko bibili

canvas, acryLic paint, water coLour, different sizes of paint brushes - ✔ meron na rin, pero gift din ni boss yung first set. This was his "something to do during quarantine" gift last year

books - ✔ I have been buying myself some books since I started earning money. Speaking of which, I am still waiting for my order from this website which I haven't received yet, kaya ni-resume ko muna basahin tong book ni Tina Fey na kinainipan ko nung 2017 

Other random rant

Bakit wala pa rin sa Spotify yung ibang kanta ni Emily Wolfe?! even YouTube! 

Gusto ko na mag 2nd kape tapos ngangawa na naman ako mamaya na di ako makatulog kahit naka 6mg na ko ng Melatonin

May variant na di nade-detect ng standard testing?! 

I'm sooooooo pandemic fatigued na. I miss hugging my family and friends. 

I miss travel. I miss going to gigs and concerts! I miss buffet!!! 

I miss not worrying! 

 

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Played with Paint and my Starbucks Travel Organizer

I literally went on a hunt for this Starbucks Reserve Travel Organizer as soon as I've collected the required stickers. Palagi kasing out of stock! And when I got it, natalsikan ng specks of white paint on its first night.

Konti lang naman, but that gave me the idea to Heart Evangelista it. Lol.

Pinush ko talaga kahit hindi ko ma-perfect ang shape ng roses. Pero medyo mukha naman na, sa malayo, so pwede na yan. Newbie lang naman ako, I should remember to not be too hard on myself kahit pag tinititigan ko mukhang project ng gradeschool.

Anyway, wala pa rin sulat yung notebook kasi nga dun na sa binili kong Lime 365 Planner. Wala naman talaga akong pinaplano rin, more on days accounting lang.

I'm rambling again.

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Quarantine Hobby

My niece told me she didn't want to hang her artwork in her room because she doesn't like 'em that much. I told her that if she did, it will serve as a reminder of her beginnings. So, this is me "hanging" my art.

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Minsan hindi ko na alam kung pagod na ba ko to try to connect with other people, or tired lang talaga ako sa sarili ko; with my thoughts, feelings,  and reactions. Not that anyone is looking, pero minsan gusto ko to "not be found".
Dear random strangers or virtual friends who happen to be here, please drown my thoughts with your random musing, the paingay thoughts in your head, your recent discovery, current addiction, or anything that is living rent free in your mind.

Kung ayaw nyo, ako na lang ulit. 
Contemplating on where to go for my birthday, bilang nag mukmok lang ako last year.
Obviously, lookin for some place "safe" / not crowded. Pero gusto ko ma-nature.
Nicki & Tita went to this nice campsite in Tanay called Treasure Mountain. Ganda ng view. I'm seriously considering it, pero......
-baka crowded sa van (hatid/sundo to the camp site)
-how would we get sa pick up point/how to uwi from drop off
-Holy Week, baka madami tao
-April, baka todo init na at di namin (ko) kayanin ang tent lang, at hindi aircon.

Naalala ko hike namin in Mt. Talamitam right around this week 6 years ago (thanks for the reminder Google Photos).
Ang init non sa peak dahil wala nang puno whatsoever. Least favorite hike ko yun. Although 630 MASL lang ang Mt. Talamitam, baka sa Treasure Mountain mas mataas/malamig. 

So my other option, bagong bago, Tagaytay Staycation. 

Also, San Rafael River Adventure, kaso parang expensive to masyado compared to other options. 

Basta medyo nature, may mga puno,halaman at iba pang pwedeng makita. Change of scenery lang ba. 

But my other dilema is Vacation Leave credits ni Boss, dahil need to make tipid for our lakad in May. 

Dito na muna. 

Yours truly, 

WantstodisappearperowalangcourageideletepermanentlyangpublicblogatIG

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Sobrang aliwalas ng langit kahapon parang gusto kong ilapat mga plano ko sa buhay. Eh kaso biglang umulan today. Oh well. 

I'd like to congratulate myself by finishing 2 books so far. I set an alarm for our Book Club's meeting, but I was still so sleepy, nag snooze na lang til it was time for my morning shift. May be next quarter.

Iba pa rin talaga ang dating sakin ng physical book vs eBook. I have some eBooks na naka stash sa Aldiko, Google Drive, and sa email but mas inviting ang physical copy ng book. 

I would also like to thqnk one of my forever boyfriends, Arjen for encouraging and inspiring me to do these stuff again -- be more physically active and to read books. 

He always sundo & hatid me pag mag briskwalk and badminton kami. Forced me to do yoga; lent me my 1st 2021 book. I tried to influence him to watch animé, pero Attack on Titan is tad bit morbid for his liking.

Anyway, I will TRY to write a book review on the ones I've read. There's a great chance na walang substance yung review, but again, focus on the word TRY. 

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So diba sabi ko itutuloy ko yung reflection and intention..

pero hindi ko naman ginawa 

Kaya eto random thought vomit and yet again walang kwentang post

Intentions for the year --

1. Enrich my connections 

Di ko rin talaga sure how dahil obviously pandemic pa rin. Pero gusto ko sana is stronger bond with my loved ones. 

Sobrang matampuhin ko pa man din. Pag di mo ko kinamusta parang gusto ko ekis ka na sakin. Pero sige, ako na lang mag reach out. 

2. Self-care - so sana mapanindigan ko, mga mini activities ko, walk/run, yoga & stretching, skincare, PROPER POSTURE!!!, read, paint, write. Anything lang to keep me from mindless scrolling sa Social Media at manood ng mga kung anu-anong videos that doesn't add value to my life

Yun siguro summary, every time na parang walang kwentang entertainment ang gagawin ko, pause and ask myself "Does this add value to your life?". Ang iksi kasi ng buhay.

Kaya nine-next ko na rin yung kanta sa Spotify pag di ko syado bet. 

Speaking of Spotify. Ang intense ng algorithm. Napa "add to Liked Songs" ako sa mga nasa Discover Weekly ko. 

ps. super ganda ng So, Soo Pretty by LANY. Hindi naman ako snob pero lampake ako sa kanila kahit nung kausuhan nila dito at 3x a year sila kung mag concert sa Pinas. Pero nung napakinggan ko to, so kilig ♥

Kahit hindi pa rin ako marunong mag Kalimba, napahanap ako ng tabs. Pero wala. Ano ba Internet of 2021. Meron pa rin palang mga bagay na di nassearch online. 

Sabi ko nga pala ippost ko yung Spotify Lookback keme ko for 2020. Inscreenshot ko pa pero ayun, tambak muna sila. Next time na lang.

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“And how are you crazy?”

I am on the verge of trimming my bangs and certainly it will be a disaster. I need a distraction, just anything - and so I sit and write.

For the love month, I encourage all my friends to watch Alain de Botton's talk in Google even in London in 2017 - Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person. 

It's been 2 days that I have been obsessing with it; had boss watch it with me again this morning.

And though I want to highlight all my favorite parts, it would just look like someone spilled the ink of the highlighter - yes I adore all parts of the talk, most were painstakingly accurate. But this maybe the point I relate to the most --

One of the reasons why love is so tricky for us because it requires us to do something we really don't want to do which is to approach another human being and say "I need you, I wouldn't really survive without you, I'm vulnerable before you"

..and there's a very strong impulse in all of us to be strong and to be well-defended and not to reveal our vulnerability

...whenever there's a danger of needing to be extremely vulnerable and exposed to another person ..the first response is to get "anxiously attached"..

 When you are anxiously attached to somebody rather than saying "I need you", you start to get very procedural .. you start to get strict when actually what you want to do is to ask a very poignant question "Do you still care about me?"

Why do I feel attacked?! LOL 

I kind of want to delve into this talk deeper; maybe do some self-reflection. I also kinda want to read his books but maybe another time. 

Speaking of books, I wish to finish this James Patterson I'm reading now. There are so many cheesy parts/cliché-ish; it's making me wonder if his books had always been that way. And now I'm trying to recall which ones I've read before. Have I ever though?!  

Anyway, I want to finish this one because I ordered a memoir and hope to finish that one as well before our company's virtual book club Bluejeans meeting. Yes, aside from Zoom, MS Teams, WebEx, there's yet another videoconferencing app called BlueJeans. 

Over the past few weeks, I have managed to enjoy new normal a bit -- "eat out" (technically eat at the MAAX parking lot) with Team Gastritis, come home to GMA to visit Mommy, Daddy, & Tisoypie, and meet Simeon Fam, have dinner slash slightly awkward reunion with college friends, meet with highschool barkada (though for unfortunate circumstance), feel like a winner in purchasing affordable lemons, satisfy my cravings of padthai and ramen, and pickup "Plakpook" in Taguig [dear self, change this later].

2021 has been relatively good, it terrifies me a bit. 

Photo dump coming right up -

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