Wednesday, October 27, 2021
some days are just far more difficult than the others
I just miss you terribly Mommy. The pain hasn't eased one bit.
Tuesday, October 12, 2021
Bakitnawawalamgaimages
Wala akong time and energy ayusin ang blog ko ngayon. Bakit broken links ang mga images?!
I wonder how many we need sa mga items ng babies. Feeling ko ang dami naming binili onesies, then biglang nag send sila k'A ng mga pamana ng kambal, all in excellent condition.
So ano ba mga dapat i-hoard ko now para hindi sabay sabay gastos in the future.
It's almost mid October, baka less than 3 months, andito na our little one. Hayyy, my dear little cauliflower head, sana nag abot kayo ni Lola mo. She was the most loving person in Mommy's life.
But don't worry, you will definitely know about her sa mga kwento namin. I will make sure that she will also be an inspiration in your life.
Monday, October 04, 2021
Grief and the Illusion of its 7 Stages
October 1st seems twice farther from September 8th compared to September 30th.
Feeling ko, hindi pa ko nakapag properly grieve, if there's even such a thing.
Kapag may nangangamusta my generic answer is "I'm okay. Coping" or "malungkot, pero nakakapag function". But truth be told, what's only happening is I'm allowing myself to be distracted. Whenever it gets quiet, I get wrecked by the reality na wala si Mommy.
Simula nung nawala sya, everything felt like one procedure after another ~ quarantine, swab test, memorial/cremation, and of course looking after Daddy, and trying to stay strong for our little one.
In between those moment, I grieve quietly. I guess fortunate enough ako that I can cry and breakdown if I need to. No prying eyes na kailangan kong alalahanin.
Maggie has twiced asked Ate "Until when are you going to be sad?". I know I wouldn't have an answer to that.
I just miss her so much. All her versions, except maybe the one that suffers. Ang hirap ma witness, her frail body giving up on her. Kaya doble ang sakit e. Kasi ang daming regret. I wish we could've done more.
I also wanted more. When I got pregnant, she started sharing her pregnancy experience and symptoms - stories I have never heard before. I felt closer to her; hearing her personal experience. I've known her all my life, and at that point I was delighted that we still can get closer. But that has ended.
I really wanted more.
Feeling ko, hindi pa ko nakapag properly grieve, if there's even such a thing.
Kapag may nangangamusta my generic answer is "I'm okay. Coping" or "malungkot, pero nakakapag function". But truth be told, what's only happening is I'm allowing myself to be distracted. Whenever it gets quiet, I get wrecked by the reality na wala si Mommy.
Simula nung nawala sya, everything felt like one procedure after another ~ quarantine, swab test, memorial/cremation, and of course looking after Daddy, and trying to stay strong for our little one.
In between those moment, I grieve quietly. I guess fortunate enough ako that I can cry and breakdown if I need to. No prying eyes na kailangan kong alalahanin.
Maggie has twiced asked Ate "Until when are you going to be sad?". I know I wouldn't have an answer to that.
I just miss her so much. All her versions, except maybe the one that suffers. Ang hirap ma witness, her frail body giving up on her. Kaya doble ang sakit e. Kasi ang daming regret. I wish we could've done more.
I also wanted more. When I got pregnant, she started sharing her pregnancy experience and symptoms - stories I have never heard before. I felt closer to her; hearing her personal experience. I've known her all my life, and at that point I was delighted that we still can get closer. But that has ended.
I really wanted more.
something infiniteLy interesting
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