Sands in my clutching hands

I thought if I focus on the fact that there is no more pain and suffering for you now,  I would be somewhat comforted. But everything else is gone.
Your joy, your love, all your amazing qualities that makes everybody else pale in comparison

Tonight, on the 2nd week that you have passed, it feels like Day 0 again
I cant believe youre no longer here
I cant accept that you are no longer with us

I hope you had a better life
You did not deserve the suffering you endured

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Rest now, Aurora

Last night I felt my son moved. I lifted my shirt and Ali and I were delighted with sight of the subtle waves on my belly. 

I immediately thought of how I wanted to share it with you.

Mommy, the pain of losing you is nothing like I've felt before. And I will learn to live with it. I will smile, get excited, laugh, and appear normal again, but I will never be the same.
Sa lahat ng future joys and triumph ko, I will always think about you.

We failed you Mommy. I'm sorry. It makes me sick to my stomach looking at the material things we got you. Yung mga natambak lang na kung anu-ano. Pero we weren't there when it mattered.

Nakakagalit to think about the things you went through.
I hate this fucking pandemic. But truth is I hate myself more, dahil kulang effort namin.
Hindi sapat. Huli na.

Thank you for teaching me love and generosity. Ang last bilin mo sakin is to not stress so much. I will try to do just that, afterall, I witnessed your strength sa lahat ng pinagdaanan mo. If I can just be half as strong as you were, I know I'll survive.

No more pain now Mommy, rest now. I love you and I will miss you always.

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