I miss you extra today Mommy

Saying goodbye to 2021 is moving farther away from the last time I saw your face and heard your voice.

I cannot begin to measure my heartache whenever I think about how you were not able to meet my son.
I know he couldve given you joy like he does to me now.
He has been giving me strength and courage from my womb to now as I hold him in my arms.
I will continue to live with the pain of losing you but your fortitude will be my life's inspiration. 

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Pictures to Follow "DIY" Maternity Shoot Post

We stayed at Farm Hills Garden few weeks ago for my "DIY" Maternity Shoot slash Jr Artes kiddie pool party slash may pa surprise Baby Shower pala.

I don't even know where to begin with my gratitude. 

I feel like, my friends have been more than generous when Mommy passed. 

Still, they threw a shower for our little one and made my heart full. 

DIY Maternity shoot was not exactly done by ourselves. Dan's husband, Mr. Rudio ang photographer namin. 

He's a talented photographer, and I'm grateful he said yes to take our photos. 

Wala naman ako demands or what not, pero ang bongga, parang ilang cameras din dala nya. He's still working on post processing. Excited na ko to see the output. I plan to have some of them printed on a photobook. 

Mas mauuna pa talaga to kesa sa wedding album namin. 

Donna, Doe's sister did my makeup. 

After dinner, kaya pala nauna na magsi balikan sa room yung iba, they were already setting up their surprise. 

Hindi nila ko nakalimutan this time papuntahin sa venue (unlike nung Bridal Shower ko, another kwento - na hindi ko pa rin nagawaan ng post). 

It probably worked to their advantage na medyo matagal i-process ng restaurant yung bill. 

Dan baked the cake and cupcakes. Reiko made the cake toppers and had the balloons set up. 

I was wondering kelan nila pnrep yon - di ko namalayan kahit medyo tabi tabi lang rooms namin. 

I previously sent my "wishlist" to Mina and Doe. They all got me something from the list. 

Sobrang grateful ko - pinigilan ko lang talaga maiyak kasi my face gets sooooo puffy at may pictorial pa kami in the morning lol.

Na-feel ko rin na na-happy si Ali and he also did not see it coming. 

We're truly blessed with amazing people around us. 

Marami na rin kami natanggap na gifts prior to this shower.

Swerte rin na maraming cousins na boys at mapapakinabangan namin mga ginamit and napag liitan nila. 

Di ko maiwasang malungkot though, kasi ganto yung mga kwento na gusto ko i-share kay Mommy. I guess, ganon talaga, it cannot be helped. 

She would have been happy to hear the details of the shower;  also she would have probably get her bunsong apo something thoughtful. 

Actually, kahit mga mini kwento, she was always happy to hear them; gusto nya yun keeping up with us. 

Number 1 liker daw ni Ali si Mommy sa Facebook. Nalungkot din ako kasi I know ganon din sya makibalita samin magkakapatid and her apos; bukod sa family group chat. Pero since ayaw ko mag Facebook, I tried to reach out to her otherways, not sure if it were enough. 

I just miss her terribly. 

On another note, di ko na sure kung kelan kami due. I'm excited to meet our son. His kicks are getting stronger, as if I need to be reminded that a little person is in my womb. 

 Naguluhan na ko sa due date ko dahil di match early scan vs LMP. My OB wants us to follow LMP but all other resource tell me that early dating scan ang mas accurate. 

Wish ko lang, wag saktong Christmas or New Year. 

So many things to prepare for. 

You keep me going my little one. I can't wait to meet you! 

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There was this older lady in my dream last night - I was sort of assisting her come down the stairs. The feeling of her arm on my mine felt exactly the same when Mommy used to hold my arm for balance.
There are moments I find peace, but oftentimes the pain of missing her is unbearable. 

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some days are just far more difficult than the others

I just miss you terribly Mommy. The pain hasn't eased one bit.

Bakitnawawalamgaimages

Wala akong time and energy ayusin ang blog ko ngayon. Bakit broken links ang mga images?!  

I wonder how many we need sa mga items ng babies. Feeling ko ang dami naming binili onesies, then biglang nag send sila k'A ng mga pamana ng kambal, all in excellent condition. 

So ano ba mga dapat i-hoard ko now para hindi sabay sabay gastos in the future.

It's almost mid October, baka less than 3 months, andito na our little one. Hayyy, my dear little cauliflower head, sana nag abot kayo ni Lola mo. She was the most loving person in Mommy's life.

But don't worry, you will definitely know about her sa mga kwento namin. I will make sure that she will also be an inspiration in your life.

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Grief and the Illusion of its 7 Stages

October 1st seems twice farther from September 8th compared to September 30th.
Feeling ko, hindi pa ko nakapag properly grieve, if there's even such a thing. 
Kapag may nangangamusta my generic answer is "I'm okay. Coping" or "malungkot, pero nakakapag function". But truth be told, what's only happening is I'm allowing myself to be distracted. Whenever it gets quiet, I get wrecked by the reality na wala si Mommy.
Simula nung nawala sya, everything felt like one  procedure after another ~ quarantine, swab test, memorial/cremation, and of course looking after Daddy, and trying to stay strong for our little one.
In between those moment, I grieve quietly. I guess fortunate enough ako that I can cry and breakdown if I need to. No prying eyes na kailangan kong alalahanin.
Maggie has twiced asked Ate "Until when are you going to be sad?". I know I wouldn't have an answer to that.

I just miss her so much. All her versions, except maybe the one that suffers. Ang hirap ma witness, her frail body giving up on her. Kaya doble ang sakit e. Kasi ang daming regret. I wish we could've done more.

I also wanted more. When I got pregnant, she started sharing her pregnancy experience and symptoms - stories I have never heard before. I felt closer to her; hearing her personal experience. I've known her all my life, and at that point I was delighted that we still can get closer. But that has ended.

I really wanted more. 

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Sands in my clutching hands

I thought if I focus on the fact that there is no more pain and suffering for you now,  I would be somewhat comforted. But everything else is gone.
Your joy, your love, all your amazing qualities that makes everybody else pale in comparison

Tonight, on the 2nd week that you have passed, it feels like Day 0 again
I cant believe youre no longer here
I cant accept that you are no longer with us

I hope you had a better life
You did not deserve the suffering you endured

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Rest now, Aurora

Last night I felt my son moved. I lifted my shirt and Ali and I were delighted with sight of the subtle waves on my belly. 

I immediately thought of how I wanted to share it with you.

Mommy, the pain of losing you is nothing like I've felt before. And I will learn to live with it. I will smile, get excited, laugh, and appear normal again, but I will never be the same.
Sa lahat ng future joys and triumph ko, I will always think about you.

We failed you Mommy. I'm sorry. It makes me sick to my stomach looking at the material things we got you. Yung mga natambak lang na kung anu-ano. Pero we weren't there when it mattered.

Nakakagalit to think about the things you went through.
I hate this fucking pandemic. But truth is I hate myself more, dahil kulang effort namin.
Hindi sapat. Huli na.

Thank you for teaching me love and generosity. Ang last bilin mo sakin is to not stress so much. I will try to do just that, afterall, I witnessed your strength sa lahat ng pinagdaanan mo. If I can just be half as strong as you were, I know I'll survive.

No more pain now Mommy, rest now. I love you and I will miss you always.

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Stranded in Bulacan slash Lakwatsa First, Ligo Later

What we thought was going to be an over the weekend uwi, got stretched longer than expected. 

Tiw got her first (Philippine) car. Akala namin marerelease agad hindi pala, hanggang sa inabot na kami ng MECQ. Buti na lang ang sarap kumain dito huhu. More more gulay. So happy ni Buboy - not official name, pero nickname na binigay ni Jaden after nyang maka move on sa name na Santiago huhu. Please stop my 7 year old nephew from watching too much soap on YouTube.

Emergency damit shopping at Unitop Baliuag 

binili ko yang green shorts, ang kyot wampipti lang

Ang saya mag ikot dito. Na fulfill ko ang 30 min light exercise ko sa lawak ng nilakad namin. 

Pero ang daming extrang dinampot na wala naman sa listahan.

Mga wala sa listahang na add to cart at na checkout:

Stretched Canvas

Bundle of Facial Tissue

Wipes

Duster para kay Mommy

Some wall hooks

Quality Time with Jj and getting some Vit D 

look at his cute sploot

Jj vs stray kitten

Picked up Tiw's car 

First Philippine car, dahil nung na stranded din sya US last year coz of COVID (which was only supposed to be Christmas vacay), ikinuha na rin sya dun ni Papa ng car so she can get around LA at madali lang when going to work (commute takes more than couple of hours but driving takes less than an hour). 

Lakwatsa First, Ligo Later

Got to experience Tiw's driving; we head over to CAFÉ+ Coffee.Brunch.Dessert. 

Dahil ang kyot sa Instagram at natakam ako sa cookies.

Ang sarap ng kape. Boss got White Island, pero since nilimit ko caffeine ko, nag Strawberry Yogurt Smoothie na lang ako. Masarap din, pero I got so hinayang dahil ang sarap talaga ng kape nila. 

Seriously these brownies!!! 

So ayun, sana makauwi na kami. Bakit ang daming checkpoint dito?! 

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Tobias' Birthday Weekend at The Bayleaf Cavite

Obviously irrelevant na mga details about whether or not they accept kids dahil ever changing ang community quarantine status. 

But back in July, Claude was able to get us rooms so we can celebrate Toby's 2nd birthday. 

 

We spent 2 nights but in 2 separate rooms - 1 Deluxe Queen Room and 1 Deluxe Triple room.

I don't know the breakdown but for 2 nights, total cost was P15,600 including buffet breakfast for all of us (5 adults).

Of course the main attraction was the gigantic pools. 

Hirap lang i-enjoy on our first night/first morning dahil madami pa tao. 

Claude had some of her other friends over din; booked in other rooms. She had everyone do antigen testing since she has an RN friend who has connection to getting cheaper test kits.

The hotel also had free antigen testing, strangely, for guests 5yo-17yo and seniors. IDK bakit parang baliktad. 

 

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My Current Favorite Hobby is Lifting my Shirt and Observing my Growing Belly

I can't really say I can't believe it's happening - but wow, okay here we go, 17 weeks pregnant.

I'm excited and terrified at the same time. 

I have absolute zero experience and less than bare minimum knowledge when it comes to child rearing. But I have my husband; I'm not doing it alone. I have no doubt he'd be an amazing father.

 

The first trimester was a struggle, but every time I get an ultrasound, or hear baby's heartbeat, I get a new kind of kilig. 

We're now on second trimester and still have about 20 ++ weeks to go. What an undertaking, but also a blessing. 

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Extensive Coron 2019 Adventure Kwento

Extensive Coron 2019 Adventure Kwento

This is the kwento of the Coron "adventure" we had back in August of 2019. 

I usually just wait for seat sale ng Cebu Pacific because I'm kuripot like that. So some of these travel fall on off peak season, like this one, August. 

Part of my itinerary planning is asking friends and researching good places to eat, comparing prices of accommodations, and making silip using Google Streetview to find out what's in the area. 

A lot of our choices were influenced by friend RR kasi kakagaling lang nya dun few months back. 

We booked our stay at Coron Ecolodge. Excellent location. The mattress was not comfortable though. Masyadong malambot, lumulubog ako, mas bet kapag slightly firm ang mattress. 

Sobrang hype ni RR sakin dito sa Carl's BBQ. We were seated in a nice little kubo at the back of the restaurant. It was not very busy that early afternoon, but it still took a while for our oder to get to us.  

Jusko, ang dry ng ribs nila. Na-markahan tuloy ni Alidogz si RR, at duda na sya sa lahat ng mga recommendation nya. LOL. 

 

Nung hapon, umidlip muna si Boss coz galing shift. Naglakad lakad ako nearby area. Naghanap ako ng mabibilhan ng mga naiwan - including payongs na iniwan sa airport coz bawal sa handcarry huhu. 

Pag gising ni Alidogz sa beauty rest nya, we went out again for some lakad lakad, street foodtrip, and some drinks to cap the first day.

It was still rainy the next day. Inadjust nung agency tours namin because di allowed ang open sea travel, which was supposed to happen pag punta namin sana ng Black Island. 

Nag Ultimate Tour na lang muna kami and saw beautiful sights; still mesmerizing despite the rain. 

Kayangan Lake

Twin Lagoon

Skeleton Wreck

Coral Garden 

CYC Beach 

Shout out nga pala kay Juicy for offering her action cam. 2nd time na namin nagamit, first was in Maldives. We should really buy our own. 

Lunch was served sa mini kubo right by one of the huge granite rock formations.  

Across our hotel, were rows of restaurants and cafe. 

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I attempted to re-watch Romy and Michele's Highschool Reunion

I attempted to re-watch Romy and Michele's Highschool Reunion because I remember enjoying it when I was younger. I've been seeing their cute outfits on Instagram.

Also, I'm still on F.R.I.E.N.D.S Reunion high, and ang  ganda talaga ni Lisa Kudrow. 

So the movie -- I couldn't stand it. It was awful. I mean this is only from watching maybe first 15 minutes and last-ish 10 minutes of it. I do remember the lying about inventing Post-It detail from when I first saw it, but I've forgotten most parts.

1. Romy is a terrible at her job; and I hate the way she thinks. 

When she was younger, she was hopelessly inlove, but is that always a reason to be THAT dumb?

Also it didn't look like she matured in the last 10 years.

2. The bullying of A Group for no apparent reason was awful

3. Michelle liked highschool and she had a blast.

 She didnt care about what other people think. 

Not afraid to say no to things she doesn't like - or people - including Sandy Frink.

Skip to the reveal at the end, okay so finally they've chosen to be true to themselves.

Now rich and successful, Michelle is suddenly interested in Sandy? This is opposite of character development! 

I've only watched up til Sandy asked Michelle to dance. 

Anyway this movie is over 2 decades old. 

I guess I should be more forgiving, since hindi naman masyado nasayang oras ko dahil skip to the end talaga ginawa ko.  

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Dumaguete x Siquijor Travel Blog

Think about a time when you were captivated by the beauty of your surrounding. Think about the excitement and exhilaration of trying something for the first time. Think about those moments when time seemed to have paused and you were just right there, alive. 

I cannot express enough how grateful I am that beautiful beaches are within arms reach. This is one of the best advantages of living in the Philippines. 

It's truly unfortunate that my husband wasn't able to come with us on this trip. But allow me to give you a peak of how our trip to Dumaguete x Siquijor x Apo Island went. And before I go on, I should already say, once this pandemic is over, go travel. See these places. Fall in love with, and experience the beauty of our country.

Itinerary:

Day 0 - Arrival to Dumaguete

Day 1 - Bais Bay Dolphin Watching and Manjuyod Sandbar

Day 2 - Island of Siquijor

Day 3 - Snorkeling at Apo Island

Cost and Getting There (incomplete as usual)

Airfare (Cebu Pacific Seat Sale) -P 1,220.68 per person roundtrip

Flying Fish Hostel 3 nights - P1,838 per person 

Manjuyod Tour Boat with Lunch - P 4,500 for 7 persons 

Siquijor Day Tour Van (exclusive of entrance fee per destination) - P2,800 for 7 pax including lunch 

I don't have details for Apo Island Tour, I think Xel and Robi just made a deal with a multicab driver on the day of our tour. 

I've spoken to several people who've been to Dumaguete and they keep saying that the place is chill; it has such relaxed vibe, and so on. And I did get a bit of that, although I'd say Dumaguete City is much more developed and a bit busier than the picture they have painted in my head, if you get what I'm saying. 

I did mention in my previous posts that I love using local public transportation. It's pretty easy to get around nearby areas by riding a tricycle. And again, an opportunity for me to say "lugar lang". If going a bit farther than the city center, there are multicabs and buses. 

I'd have to say the places we went to eat were far too tourist-y for my liking , except maybe the restaurant at our hostel. Not that there's anything wrong with that, we did eat a lof of delectable and sulit food but part of me wants to get a feel of what it'd be like on a normal evening for a local. Where do they eat. What do they do on their spare time. Where do they hang out for coffee. Well, maybe they still go to those places we went to. Afterall, they did serve good food, and at Sans Rival Bistro, smooth flavored coffee.

Day 0 - Arrival

I can't recall the name of the bistro

Day 1 - Bais Bay Dolphin Watching and Manjuyod Sandbar

I honestly do not like it when we call something "a version" of something else. Dubbed as The Maldives of the Philippines, Manjuyod Sandbar is an absolute gem of its own. They do not have floating convenience stores in the Maldives. You can get buko juice and BEER from neighbor outrigger! Also, can I say, mouthwatering seafood for packed lunch! 

Tide was still low when we got there early morning. So we went Dolphin watching first at Bais Bay 

Tide has risen around noon

Summer refreshments? 

Look at that water!

Day 2 - Island of Siquijor 

Tired from chasing dolphins and hours of photo op the day before, we got up early in the morning to catch the 6:30ish am trip giving us the opportunity to catch the breathtaking sunrise along Rizal blvd.

We made arrangements beforehand and we our van was already waiting for us upon arrival. 

Writing this post, brought the feelings back. Have you ever had that kilig moment with a place -- seeing something so beautiful you want to cry? I was at awe. The color of the water sparkling before our eyes at the port. I kept mumbling "hungggandaaaaa". 

I sincerely hope each and every humanbeing get to feel that at some point in their lives. 

I'm not a very good swimmer but I cannot let the opportunity pass. I did the Cambugahan Tarzan Swing! 

Okay my energy has depleted. I will post Day 3 | Apo Island Tour and Flying Fish Hostel review on a separate post. 

I might also do an in-depth Siquijor post coz I just love the place and I'm seriously missing it right now. 

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Biglaang Lime and Basil and Ruined Project?

Optimistic last June 2020 when we booked a trip to Boracay for May 2021. "Malayo pa naman."

But here we are; yet again, cancelled flights, open time quarantine, and the ever-growing list of its classification.

This was supposed to be our final indulgence. And for now, I bid farewell to booking flights, at least 'til everything sort itself.

We didn't cancel our leave at work, and decided to have breakfast and coffee in Tagaytay instead.
I enjoyed the change of scenery, fresh air, and our delicious breakfast!











For a brief period in 2014, we rented an apartment in Pilar with Tata Dear. It was shortly after Papong left for UAE. Knolan left weeks into me moving in and I sort of forced Ali to live with us so we can split the cost of rent.
Tata did some cooking but Ali and I mostly just buy from nearby carenderia. I was introduced to "Putsi Ko Ay", and I still miss their Gintaang Sitaw Kalabasa to this date.
I remember back when we were newly weds, one of the very first ulam he cooked was Ginataang Sitaw Kalabasa. I hold great affection for this particular vegetable.

I can't stop thinking about food. I can't keep my emotions in check. My hormones are probably vacillating between a Woodstock Festival and an Opera in my system and I just can't chill. 

I puked pretty much my entire meal yesterday and I wanted to mourn for my Jollibee Burgersteak. Is it normal to wanna cry for vomit? Most likely not.
And ODK why did I get inggit with a'L's Cookies n Cream Instagram post?! Cookies n Cream?!!!! The flavor I thought to be beneath me is now mocking me!

But there's calmness at night.
I had half a green apple for dinner.
I did not want to consume anything more.
If only I had one of those round fruit candies that come in dainty tin cans, I'd have one for dessert.

That was the past 3 weeks.

This week, I dislike everything, well not exactly, but everything is "meh". Even *dramatic pause* -- get this - Mi Goreng.

Fortunately, the food at Juicy & Mike's wedding were all masarap. 

Walang picture ng food, pero eto ang ganda namin. 

Happy Official Arte Day 2nd ECQ Edition

Happy Official Arte Day 2nd ECQ Edition

Instabirthday

Birthday ni Harvey, who is in Singapore but had pizza delivered to our apartment <3

Soapblissfully Package from Maggie, kuya Lucas, & kuya Marcus

Hindi to Wildflour, yan lang ginamit ni Doe na paperbag haha

Ang gulo kasi sa chatroom namin the day before, so di ko naintindihan na magpapa Grab Food ng kape ang Team Condo. So 2nd kape ko to for the day kaya bloated ako nung hapon tapos nag alak pa kami ni Boss

Nakapag book na ko ng nature-y trip and was really looking forward to it, but it just sucks to be me, ayan nag ECQ ulit. Nung una akala ko makaka lusot pa (MECQ Bubble) coz pwede ang mga open air attraction and within the bubble naman. Pero ayaw talaga ni tadhana, so stay put ulet sa bahay. 

kahit hindi natupad ang mga unang plans. Thank you sa mga loved ones ko who showered me with extra thoughtfulness and love on my birthday. I really appreciate it; lalo na sa sweet and mabait kong asawa; for keeping me sane, sa pag grant ng mga requests ko, even buying cat food sa mga kaaway na pusang pakain na ang lakas mag demand; ang mga bisita ko: si Feisty, Tambay, Oldie, and Blacky.

I'm really just trying to keep it together. Everyone is exhausted. 

My wish is the same as last year's. Sana matapos na pandemic.