Minsan hindi ko na alam kung pagod na ba ko to try to connect with other people, or tired lang talaga ako sa sarili ko; with my thoughts, feelings, and reactions. Not that anyone is looking, pero minsan gusto ko to "not be found".
Dear random strangers or virtual friends who happen to be here, please drown my thoughts with your random musing, the paingay thoughts in your head, your recent discovery, current addiction, or anything that is living rent free in your mind.
Kung ayaw nyo, ako na lang ulit.
Contemplating on where to go for my birthday, bilang nag mukmok lang ako last year.
Obviously, lookin for some place "safe" / not crowded. Pero gusto ko ma-nature.
Nicki & Tita went to this nice campsite in Tanay called Treasure Mountain. Ganda ng view. I'm seriously considering it, pero......
-baka crowded sa van (hatid/sundo to the camp site)
-how would we get sa pick up point/how to uwi from drop off
-Holy Week, baka madami tao
-April, baka todo init na at di namin (ko) kayanin ang tent lang, at hindi aircon.
Naalala ko hike namin in Mt. Talamitam right around this week 6 years ago (thanks for the reminder Google Photos).
Ang init non sa peak dahil wala nang puno whatsoever. Least favorite hike ko yun. Although 630 MASL lang ang Mt. Talamitam, baka sa Treasure Mountain mas mataas/malamig.
Dear random strangers or virtual friends who happen to be here, please drown my thoughts with your random musing, the paingay thoughts in your head, your recent discovery, current addiction, or anything that is living rent free in your mind.
Kung ayaw nyo, ako na lang ulit.
Contemplating on where to go for my birthday, bilang nag mukmok lang ako last year.
Obviously, lookin for some place "safe" / not crowded. Pero gusto ko ma-nature.
Nicki & Tita went to this nice campsite in Tanay called Treasure Mountain. Ganda ng view. I'm seriously considering it, pero......
-baka crowded sa van (hatid/sundo to the camp site)
-how would we get sa pick up point/how to uwi from drop off
-Holy Week, baka madami tao
-April, baka todo init na at di namin (ko) kayanin ang tent lang, at hindi aircon.
Naalala ko hike namin in Mt. Talamitam right around this week 6 years ago (thanks for the reminder Google Photos).
Ang init non sa peak dahil wala nang puno whatsoever. Least favorite hike ko yun. Although 630 MASL lang ang Mt. Talamitam, baka sa Treasure Mountain mas mataas/malamig.
So my other option, bagong bago, Tagaytay Staycation.
Also, San Rafael River Adventure, kaso parang expensive to masyado compared to other options.
Basta medyo nature, may mga puno,halaman at iba pang pwedeng makita. Change of scenery lang ba.
But my other dilema is Vacation Leave credits ni Boss, dahil need to make tipid for our lakad in May.
Dito na muna.
Yours truly,
WantstodisappearperowalangcourageideletepermanentlyangpublicblogatIG
Hindi ko gusto ang mga nasa utak ko ngayon. Hindi ko gusto ang mga thoughts
ReplyDeletena pumapasok sa isip ko. Masyadong maingay at paulit ulit naglalaro sa isip ko ang mga bagay na pinagsisisihan ko at mga problema na nabubuo kahit hindi naman nararapat. Pilit kong iniiwasan pero hindi ko maisip pano pigilan. Gusto kong kumalas sa mga bagay na ito at palitan ng mga magaganda na kadalasang panget na naglalaro sa utak ko. Walang magandang naidudulot ito sakin. Lalo lang bumababa ang tingin ko sa sarili ko. Sumubok ako maghanap ng kausap at nakipag kita sa mga dati kong kaibigan pero hindi ko na magawang maka connect sakanila. Iniisip ko kung dala ba ito ng pandemic o dala nalang rin ng edad. Naging akward ang pagharap ko sakanila. Hindi ko alam kung sadyang tamad na ako kumonekta sa ibang tao. Pakiramdam ko na ako na lang ba parati ang kailangan gumawa ng hakbang para makamusta sila? Masakit isipin na ang tao kapag nakita mo, ang bungad kadalasan ay "kamusta?" Pero kinakamusta ka ba talaga nila o sadyang sanay lang tayo na gawin itong pang bungad na pag bati? Nakakalungkot rin mga pangyayari na may biglang mangangamusta sayo at nakakatuwa na may nakaalala pero sa huli ay bebentahan ka lang o sabay banat na "open minded ka ba?". Kaya ang sarap sarap na lang mawala. Kadalasan gusto ko na tapusin ito pumunta sa isang malayong lugar at mawala ng tuloyan at kailanman ay di na makita.
by the way please please don't delete your account permanently. Minsan akala natin walang interesado pero meron at isa ako dun. Salamat
Sorry you're going through rough times.
ReplyDeleteSorry if nakakatrigger ang post ko. That was not my intension. Please seek professional help, lalo na if you're suspecting youre going through depression. Kapag nakaka affect na sa daily life and kapag mag mamanifest na physically (eg. hypertension, gastritis, insomnia). You can start with consult over the phone/telemedicine etc.
Pero nakaka pagod lang rin talaga minsan no? Baka nga it comes with age na rin.
Here are the things that help me whenever I feel down -
Get some sun, and exercise.
This one is easier said than done, na palagi ko rin nakakalimutan - be your own bestfriend. Kung kaya natin to care for another humanbeing, our friends/loved ones, surely kaya rin natin for ourselves.
I hope you find the support that you deserve. If you promise to try to live your life as beautiful as you can, despite the hardship, I'll promise to do the same.