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Minsan hindi ko na alam kung pagod na ba ko to try to connect with other people, or tired lang talaga ako sa sarili ko; with my thoughts, feelings,  and reactions. Not that anyone is looking, pero minsan gusto ko to "not be found".
Dear random strangers or virtual friends who happen to be here, please drown my thoughts with your random musing, the paingay thoughts in your head, your recent discovery, current addiction, or anything that is living rent free in your mind.

Kung ayaw nyo, ako na lang ulit. 
Contemplating on where to go for my birthday, bilang nag mukmok lang ako last year.
Obviously, lookin for some place "safe" / not crowded. Pero gusto ko ma-nature.
Nicki & Tita went to this nice campsite in Tanay called Treasure Mountain. Ganda ng view. I'm seriously considering it, pero......
-baka crowded sa van (hatid/sundo to the camp site)
-how would we get sa pick up point/how to uwi from drop off
-Holy Week, baka madami tao
-April, baka todo init na at di namin (ko) kayanin ang tent lang, at hindi aircon.

Naalala ko hike namin in Mt. Talamitam right around this week 6 years ago (thanks for the reminder Google Photos).
Ang init non sa peak dahil wala nang puno whatsoever. Least favorite hike ko yun. Although 630 MASL lang ang Mt. Talamitam, baka sa Treasure Mountain mas mataas/malamig. 

So my other option, bagong bago, Tagaytay Staycation. 

Also, San Rafael River Adventure, kaso parang expensive to masyado compared to other options. 

Basta medyo nature, may mga puno,halaman at iba pang pwedeng makita. Change of scenery lang ba. 

But my other dilema is Vacation Leave credits ni Boss, dahil need to make tipid for our lakad in May. 

Dito na muna. 

Yours truly, 

WantstodisappearperowalangcourageideletepermanentlyangpublicblogatIG

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Sobrang aliwalas ng langit kahapon parang gusto kong ilapat mga plano ko sa buhay. Eh kaso biglang umulan today. Oh well. 

I'd like to congratulate myself by finishing 2 books so far. I set an alarm for our Book Club's meeting, but I was still so sleepy, nag snooze na lang til it was time for my morning shift. May be next quarter.

Iba pa rin talaga ang dating sakin ng physical book vs eBook. I have some eBooks na naka stash sa Aldiko, Google Drive, and sa email but mas inviting ang physical copy ng book. 

I would also like to thqnk one of my forever boyfriends, Arjen for encouraging and inspiring me to do these stuff again -- be more physically active and to read books. 

He always sundo & hatid me pag mag briskwalk and badminton kami. Forced me to do yoga; lent me my 1st 2021 book. I tried to influence him to watch animé, pero Attack on Titan is tad bit morbid for his liking.

Anyway, I will TRY to write a book review on the ones I've read. There's a great chance na walang substance yung review, but again, focus on the word TRY. 

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So diba sabi ko itutuloy ko yung reflection and intention..

pero hindi ko naman ginawa 

Kaya eto random thought vomit and yet again walang kwentang post

Intentions for the year --

1. Enrich my connections 

Di ko rin talaga sure how dahil obviously pandemic pa rin. Pero gusto ko sana is stronger bond with my loved ones. 

Sobrang matampuhin ko pa man din. Pag di mo ko kinamusta parang gusto ko ekis ka na sakin. Pero sige, ako na lang mag reach out. 

2. Self-care - so sana mapanindigan ko, mga mini activities ko, walk/run, yoga & stretching, skincare, PROPER POSTURE!!!, read, paint, write. Anything lang to keep me from mindless scrolling sa Social Media at manood ng mga kung anu-anong videos that doesn't add value to my life

Yun siguro summary, every time na parang walang kwentang entertainment ang gagawin ko, pause and ask myself "Does this add value to your life?". Ang iksi kasi ng buhay.

Kaya nine-next ko na rin yung kanta sa Spotify pag di ko syado bet. 

Speaking of Spotify. Ang intense ng algorithm. Napa "add to Liked Songs" ako sa mga nasa Discover Weekly ko. 

ps. super ganda ng So, Soo Pretty by LANY. Hindi naman ako snob pero lampake ako sa kanila kahit nung kausuhan nila dito at 3x a year sila kung mag concert sa Pinas. Pero nung napakinggan ko to, so kilig ♥

Kahit hindi pa rin ako marunong mag Kalimba, napahanap ako ng tabs. Pero wala. Ano ba Internet of 2021. Meron pa rin palang mga bagay na di nassearch online. 

Sabi ko nga pala ippost ko yung Spotify Lookback keme ko for 2020. Inscreenshot ko pa pero ayun, tambak muna sila. Next time na lang.

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“And how are you crazy?”

I am on the verge of trimming my bangs and certainly it will be a disaster. I need a distraction, just anything - and so I sit and write.

For the love month, I encourage all my friends to watch Alain de Botton's talk in Google even in London in 2017 - Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person. 

It's been 2 days that I have been obsessing with it; had boss watch it with me again this morning.

And though I want to highlight all my favorite parts, it would just look like someone spilled the ink of the highlighter - yes I adore all parts of the talk, most were painstakingly accurate. But this maybe the point I relate to the most --

One of the reasons why love is so tricky for us because it requires us to do something we really don't want to do which is to approach another human being and say "I need you, I wouldn't really survive without you, I'm vulnerable before you"

..and there's a very strong impulse in all of us to be strong and to be well-defended and not to reveal our vulnerability

...whenever there's a danger of needing to be extremely vulnerable and exposed to another person ..the first response is to get "anxiously attached"..

 When you are anxiously attached to somebody rather than saying "I need you", you start to get very procedural .. you start to get strict when actually what you want to do is to ask a very poignant question "Do you still care about me?"

Why do I feel attacked?! LOL 

I kind of want to delve into this talk deeper; maybe do some self-reflection. I also kinda want to read his books but maybe another time. 

Speaking of books, I wish to finish this James Patterson I'm reading now. There are so many cheesy parts/cliché-ish; it's making me wonder if his books had always been that way. And now I'm trying to recall which ones I've read before. Have I ever though?!  

Anyway, I want to finish this one because I ordered a memoir and hope to finish that one as well before our company's virtual book club Bluejeans meeting. Yes, aside from Zoom, MS Teams, WebEx, there's yet another videoconferencing app called BlueJeans. 

Over the past few weeks, I have managed to enjoy new normal a bit -- "eat out" (technically eat at the MAAX parking lot) with Team Gastritis, come home to GMA to visit Mommy, Daddy, & Tisoypie, and meet Simeon Fam, have dinner slash slightly awkward reunion with college friends, meet with highschool barkada (though for unfortunate circumstance), feel like a winner in purchasing affordable lemons, satisfy my cravings of padthai and ramen, and pickup "Plakpook" in Taguig [dear self, change this later].

2021 has been relatively good, it terrifies me a bit. 

Photo dump coming right up -

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Year-end Reflection Attempt 1

How difficult is it to reflect on the year that was 2020. I really do want to keep this on the positive note, but we were all there. 2020 was a tremendously difficult year.

6 days in, and I haven’t had the chance for yearend reflection and set my New Year intentions. This is new to me, so I looked up some guide questions, and man they are tough to answer.

So let’s start with this one –

What worked well that I’m grateful for?

I am grateful that boss and I got to keep our jobs. I don’t even have to research what the increase in unemployment rate was last year, to know that it was bad not just here but also for the rest of the world. I’m also grateful that we get to work from home and not have to worry about higher risk of exposure from workplace and on daily commute. With that, I’m grateful that we spend day in and out together and actually not combust! We had our moments, but we keep on surviving.

What were my most meaningful moments?

I think it will be too cheesy if I talk so much about being a wife etc. But during the months that I was on morning shift, I inadvertently developed a routine. Nap after shift, prep for early dinner or order from Grab Food more often than I should, go YouTube or Netflix hopping while having dinner, sometimes blog, wash the dishes & clean the apartment (yes you read that right!). Before my husband wakes up for his shift, I savor my “alone” time in our neat apartment and that makes me happy. Sometimes, I even stand on a spot where I can see both our kitchen and living area and just appreciate our humble tidy space.

Another moment which came to mind was meeting Siquijor; that was another level of kilig. I lost count of how many times I uttered hunggandaaaa!!!  – “ang ganda” spoken with kilig that I literally wanted to cry. It was like hearing a beautiful song for the first time and experiencing 13 seconds to love. (Okay, now I want to cry because I miss travel so much).

After the liquor ban was lifted, boss & I felt so alcohol-deprived that we drank almost every weekend lol. Our drinking sesh constituted as our date nights. I don’t remember all the stories shared but I remember enjoying those nights with slightly looser inhibitions and tipsy easy laughs.

Where did I spend my time and energy?

I do not despise this question. I just hate the fact that I will not like the answer. I spent a lot of it on entertainment, mediocrity, and trying. There I said it and I hate it. At some point, I could no longer find show and content I actually like on Netflix and YouTube but felt like I had nothing else. Now I think it looks bad that part of my “meaningful moments” answer is this lol. Anyway, I did try to look for something else that will be valuable. I signed up on Udemy and looked for free short courses. I tried to learn Hangul, I tried to learn to be a better at writing, and I tried to study some other stuff that I am just remembering now, like Dr Robert Sapolsky’s Behavioral Psychology lectures. I even volunteered for an NGO and translated COVID-related surveys to Tagalog. Without Googling, can you translate “behavioral change” to Tagalog? The task was far more exhausting than I expected, and just had to stop. If you are interested, I can hook you up. But consider this a warning.

Ang haba na. Itutuloy ko to promise.

 

 

 

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Happy Splashy New Year

 

 

 I got inspired by the splashy greetings of the elephants at Sheldrick Trust Wildlife and thought of uploading this clip of me jumping from a swing in Cambugahay Falls. 

I can't believe it's been 10 months since this trip!

I sincerely hope we all have better cards in 2021!

Happy New Year!

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sobrang hahabaan ko na lang, yung tipong see you next year after this

game, let's do this. sobrang hahabaan ko na lang, yung tipong see you next year after this.

I'm at a comfy chair, it's kind of quiet in my brain, outside, not so much. I'm busog, and i'm not depressed, sorry, I know i shouldnt use that word lightly, pero i'm okay, i'm at that right state of mind. 

kaso too bad some of they keys on my laptop are no longer working.

medyo kakalungkot. matagal nang nauna tong shift key. hit or miss tong letters k & j na dapat ulit ulitin bago ma-type talaga. 

nadidiliman na rin ako sa resolution.

anyway, malaya ko namang nagagamit ang PC ni boss pero possessive kasi ako, kumbaga, iba pa rin for me ang sarili kong laptop. 9 years old na rin kasi to. company discount pa kila ate. 

ano na ba ganap?

may approved vaccine na for COVID-19. sana talaga makabalik na tayo sa dati. kahit gaano ko ka-love ang work from home, mas bet ko pa rin na bumalik sa normal. ayaw ko nung constant fear and yung stress na hindi kami basta makauwi kila mommy.

pero medyo thuglife na rin kami. please don't judge.

we are mindful pa rin ng mga safety protocol, though mostly ng labas is essential, like nung nilakad namin yung billing issue sa Globe. and nitong hinabol namin yung license sa LTO. twice pa lang yung super non-essential, brekky with Artes, & nung bumili kami TV. pero ewan, palakasan na lang talaga ng guardian angel. dami na rin talaga tao sa labas. namasyal ako sa lower Cavite habang driving lessons, sinusunod ko lang si sir instructor. pero ODK Bacoor, Binakayan, apakadaming tao sa labas! nauna bang natapos sa inyo ang pandemic?! bakit parang chill lang lahat at medyo matraffic pa rin - aguinaldo hi-way, juskolord, di kita namimiss. 

akala ko mag ease ng konti dahil may Cavitex na, pero it's still very sikip, at ang mga motor, itigil nyo yang kakasingit singit nyo! 

DECEMBER na ulet!! parang kelan lang nag wedding anniversary kami, now mag 2nd year na kami agad! 

hihirapan na naman ako isip gift for wedding anniv, Christmas, & birthday for boss. 

ang daming nakakamiss na mga bagay. just before I resumed writing this post, I was watching an online gig; tumugtog She's Only Sixteen. once pa lang namin sila napanood, and ang saya ko kasi ako nag introduce nung band na yon kay boss. feeling validated lang ba. kasi he's the musically-inclined one sa amin, ako hilig lang kinig and discover new artists. so nung niyaya ko sya sa gig non sa  Saguijo, go agad sya. nanalig akong makakabalik tayo sa dati at makanood sa mga siksikan na events/gig nang walang pangamba.

mag photodump ba ko at lumipat sa PC ni boss para i-correct ang mga case ng mga letters sa post na to?

sige, konti lang. 

brb

Tinatamad na pala ko i-correct mga cases.

Random Photo Dump - from my camera na nasira na </3 

Puro Singapore photos pala nasa album na yon. Ayusin ko na talaga.

kthxbye

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