It is as loud as it can be in my heart, but goes quietly, unnoticed.
There are days I would feel this ridiculously intense panghihinayang; as intense as my love for my son. Quickly followed by anger. Bakit di sila nag abot?!
Why didnt he get to receive the amazing love his lola has to give. She has so much love to give, it's almost unbelievable after all of her suffering.
But all these feelings, has to be put aside. Because there's usually an errand awaiting, or cause I don't have space, or it's too much that my energy literally gets depleted.
There's always an excuse. Then I would feel guilty afterwards, for not mourning properly.
For smiling and laughing, for "moving on". But there's absolutely no moving on, it's only coping a little bit.
And I don't think anybody understands, and so for anyone asking, the answer would always be "I'm okay".
There are days I would feel this ridiculously intense panghihinayang; as intense as my love for my son. Quickly followed by anger. Bakit di sila nag abot?!
Why didnt he get to receive the amazing love his lola has to give. She has so much love to give, it's almost unbelievable after all of her suffering.
But all these feelings, has to be put aside. Because there's usually an errand awaiting, or cause I don't have space, or it's too much that my energy literally gets depleted.
There's always an excuse. Then I would feel guilty afterwards, for not mourning properly.
For smiling and laughing, for "moving on". But there's absolutely no moving on, it's only coping a little bit.
And I don't think anybody understands, and so for anyone asking, the answer would always be "I'm okay".
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